23rd over: Smith c McCallum b Haq 91, SA 178-3
Kemp gets a quick single to mid-wicket before Smith goes macho, sashaying down the pitch and crashing Haq over wide long-on for a maximum. However, Smith takes one liberty too many, slapping the ball straight to McCallum at short mid-wicket.
22nd over: 170-2
Kemp has been bumped up the order, he didn’t get a bat against the Netherlands. Smith clatters Rogers over wide long-on for four before crashing him to the long-off boundary. South Africa need just 17 more runs.
“I don’t think even the weather can stop the inevitable here. What did Rodney mean by ‘unless you want it to?’ (see below) Do you have some power over cricket conga lines?”
Philip, US, in the TMS inbox
21st over: WICKET - Prince c McCullum b Haq 21, SA 162-2
Prince plays a cute reverse sweep for four off Haq before slamming a full-bunger through the covers for just one, the sub fielder making a superb stop out on the boundary. New balls are brought out and Prince moves to 21 with a flick to square with the new pill. Smith nudges for a single before Prince is dismissed, swaying back and slapping Haq straight to McCullum at short-cover.
20th over: 154-1
Players are back out and there is no revision of the target. Prince reverse sweeps Rogers first ball after the restart for a couple. Rogers drags one shirt and Prince slaps him through wide long-off for four. Too easy. Well done to David in the TMS inbox for spotting the Day Today reference. “Two fat ladies” indeed. Prince nicks the strike with a flick to square-leg.
1921 GMT: I just want to make something clear to Rodney below, the stuff below was a joke, I didn’t really think the conga was going to descend into an orgy of mindless violence. Sorry if I upset you.
“Sorry to say I am in the Turks & Caicos islands, east of you guys, and it has been tipping it down here all day so far. Let’s hope this in some way helps the Scots. Here’s hoping.”
Nathan in the TMS inbox
“‘Let’s just hope it doesn’t degenerate into an orgy of mindless violence’. Why should it, unless you want it to, you biased idiot! This is cricket, not soccer!”
Rodney Jackson in the TMS inbox
19th over:
Smithy is getting a bit irate with some of the groundstaff milling around by the sightscreen. Prince has a sweep and Haq has a big lbw appeal shrugged off by umpire Benson. Smith gets one for a cute chip shot before the heavens open in a major way - this looks serious. The groundstaff drag about four tarpaulins in place and, with the wind picking up, that’s no easy task. The South African fans stay wrapped up, the Scots are topless. And both sets of supporters have joined up for a conga! Delightful stuff. Let’s just hope it doesn’t degenerate into an orgy of mindless violence.
“This rain’s not just going to be a blessing, it’s going to be man’s rain, as they say in the West Indies.”
Jim Maxwell on TMS
18th over: 143-1
Smith opens the face and runs Rogers away for one before Prince skips down the pitch and flicks him over mid-wicket for four. The groundstaff are gathering ominously along the boundary.
17th over: 138-1
Prince has a pretty useful one-day record, he averages 37-odd from 45 matches. Three from Haq’s over and Smith might want to give it some tap in the next couple of overs to get this over with before the rain swings in.
16th over: De Villiers c Brown b Rogers 62, SA 134-1
South Africa are like a car with the engine off, just rolling down the hill towards their destination. That said, De Villiers steps aside and slaps Rogers over wide long-on for a maximum before creaming him straight over long-off for another steepling six. Rogers’ left-arm spin is really wearing it…but he has the last laugh, De Villiers going for another big one and holing out to Brown at long-on. Players have a wet, and there’s a bit of weather flying about on St Kitts, although nothing too serious. Prince is next man in.
15th over: 121-0
Full-bunger from Haq and Smith clips him through mid-wicket for four before tickling him round the corner for another boundary. Haq gets a bit of turn and gets one through De Villier’s rather airy swish. But De Villiers has his fifty next ball with a nurdle to leg. De Villiers’ half-century came from 41 balls and he’ll be relieved to find a bit of nick.
14th over: 110-0
Rogers is into the attack with his spin and there are three singles from the over. South Africa just having a look to see if there’s any turn - they’ll soon realise there isn’t and start giving it the old heave-ho.
13th over: 107-0
It’s time for a bit of tweakage from Haq and Smith whips him away for two to mid-wicket. That’s South Africa’s ton. Another easy run for De Villiers, pushing a rules on dating advices
past the outstretched Haq for one. Shot of the day by De Villiers, waiting on a Haq delivery, opening the face and deflecting the ball past the gloves of wicket-keeper Smith. Lip-smacking stuff.
12th over: 98-0
Brown has a go with the ball and a rank long-hop is tugged away by De Villiers for four.
“What with the advent of Twenty20 cricket, the game’s now all about batting. The connoisseur is dead, long live the connoisseur…”
Barry Richards on TMS
11th over: 88-0
It’s pretty toothless stuff from the Scotland attack, and De Villiers slaps another Nel long-hop through backward-point for four. Fifty off 36 balls from Smith, his 24th in one-day internationals and third in World Cups. De Villiers mis-cues with an attempted lofted drive, but the ball lands in no-man’s land. De Villiers gets a bit of an earful from his skipper, De Villiers smiles cheekily like someone who’s just been caught letting the headmaster’s tyres down.
“This looks like the type of surface you could comb your hair in if you gave it a good polish.”
Jim Maxwell on TMS
10th over: 77-0
Brown is going to get a go with the already battered old pill and his second ball is dragged round the corner for four before Smith slaps him straight down the ground for another. This is pipe and slippers stuff for the South Africa batsmen, Smith will be calling for a smoking jacket in a minute.
9th over: 67-0
Wicket-keeper Smith up to the stumps to the dibbly-dobblies of Nel. De Villiers latches on to a half-chucker, and sees it so early that the ball ends up at the wide long-on fence.
8th over: 62-0
More short stuff from Blain and Smith twirls him away for another boundary. South Africa are flowing runs here, in fact they are almost incontinent with them. Bit of complacency from Smith, striding down the wicket and getting a thick inside edge. Watson gets fingers to a savage cut shot from Smith - not really a chance to be fair - and Smith runs one.
“Smith has got some ice cream with some chocolate topping and marmalade, he’s loving this bowling…”
Jim Maxwell on TMS
7th over: 55-0
Nel into the attack and Smith has a lazy waft at one, Smith mis-fields behind the stumps and South Africa run one. Nel tries out a short one and De Villiers rolls his wrists on it and gets one to square-leg. Too slow to bowl there, Nelly, and Smith yanks him away for four. Nel strays onto Smith’s pads and the skipper moves to 32 with a clip to leg. De Villiers skips back to Nel and flicks him down to wide third-man for a single. South Africa scoring at eight an over, this could all be over in time for Holby.
6th over: 46-0
Another short ball from Blain and De Villiers is almost caught at 301 dating group idea, Watson unable to take a sharp, shin-high catch. Blain serves up a long-hop and Smith is onto it in a flash, carving it away to the backward-point fence. Raining over on Nevis apparently, so that may mean we’re due a bit of weather on St Kitts. Smith gets a single with a punch to leg.
5th over: 39-0
Fine, if slightly eccentric, stop by Nel at mid-on. The Scots getting some clatter here, De Villiers leaning back and carving Hoffmann to the point boundary. Hoffmann over-pitches again and threads a drive through the covers for four. Eight from the over, South Africa racking up the runs without really breaking sweat at the moment.
4th over: 31-0
Blain serves up a tempting half-bunger and Smith feasts on it, timing him through the covers for four. The consensus seems to be that the green box vote wasn’t a raging success. Actually, it may have been too much of a success as it kept on crashing people’s computers. Blain strays onto Smith’s legs and is flicked away for yet another boundary. De Villiers hits straight to the fielder at mid-off and grabs a single. Eleven from the over.
3rd over: 19-0
Good atmosphere at Warner Park today, probably the best I’ve seen at this World Cup. Creamy clip off his legs for four by De Villiers, Nel chasing it towards the boundary like he’s running straight into the wind with his duffle coat wide open.
2nd over: 14-0
De Villiers off the mark with a single - he made 0 against the Dutch. Smith scampers a quick single after a push to point before Blain over-pitches and De Villiers misses out on a juicy half-bunger. However, Blain drops short next-up and De Villiers swings him away for four. Easy rolling this for South Africa so far.
1st over: 8-0
South Africa’s openers, Smith and De Villiers, are out and Hoffmann’s third delivery is timed straight down the ground for four and the skipper clips his fifth ball through mid-wicket for another boundary. Smith looks in good nick in this tournament - ominous, very ominous.
SCOTLAND INNINGS
Thanks for all your votes on our new application towards the end of that Scotland innings. More than 1,500 of you voted and 87% think this tournament is enriched - and not diluted - by the presence of the minnow nations. Just to explain, this vote module is a trial and we intend to run more as the tournament continues - so e-mail us any feedback, whether it is good or bad.
50th over: WICKET - Hoffmann run out 18, Sco 186-8
Hall with the final over, and he’s pretty tasty at the death. Brown just manages to cue-end him down to third-man for one before Hoffmann does the splits, has a swish and gets a thick outside edge for four. Poor old Hally must be doing his nut. Chaos off the penultimate ball, Hoffmann missing with a dab, Boucher missing Hoffmann’s stumps, Hall missing at the other end and Scotland picking up an overthrow. More madness off the final ball, Hoffmann missing with another wild and windy woosh, but Boucher running him out this time at the bowler’s end. Oh my giddy aunt, I need a lie down.
49th over: 179-7 Hoffmann makes room and smears Langeveldt over the third-man fence for six. Savage. Hoffmann follows up with an ugly - but effective - hoick over deep mid-wicket for four before making room and cracking to the long-off fence. Good work Hoffmann.
“I did say he was from the country, and that shot from Hoffmann was straight out of Farmer’s Weekly.”
Barry Richards on TMS
48th over: WICKET - Blain c Kemp b Hall 23, Sco 163-7
Hall, searching for the yorker, strays down leg and is swung away for four by Brown. The fifty partnership comes up courtesy of a Brown single, but Blain is out soon after, skimming a drive over cover and Kemp taking a blinding catch on the run. Good knock that by Blain. Bit of Toto as Hoffmann makes his way to the middle - “I bless the rains down in Africa!” - smashing. My favourite Toto number is Rosanna. I used to go out with someone called Rosanna. Her mum looked like Cher.
47th over: 158-6
Brown carves Langeveldt to extra-cover and De Villiers, racing round from wide long-off, pulls off another magnificent stop. Two for it. Brown then plays a crackerjack stroke, swinging Langeveldt over long-on for four. Short one from Langeveldt, and Blain tries to hoick him over backward-square but misses. Blain, however, yanks the bowler for six from the final ball of the over, Pollock just failing to take a spectacular catch on the long-on boundary. The Scots getting a wriggle on.
46th over: 145-6
Brown makes room and flays Hall to the wide long-on fence. He gets one for a wild swish and Hall then produces a nasty-looking bumper, but umpire Benson decided it was a wide. Blain makes room and clubs Hall through extra-cover for a couple before rat-a-tat-tatting the bowler over long-off for another boundary. Scotland, after much grinding of gears between second and third, finally move up to fourth.
45th over: 131-6
Langeveldt serves up a bumper and Blain ducks underneath it with the minumum of effort. Scotland pick up a couple of wides fown leg-side and Blain flicks Langeveldt to mid-wicket for a leisurely one and moves to 10. If anyone has any comments on the vote in the top right corner, let us know via email.
44th over: 127-6
Blain is almost run-out, pushing to point and getting sent back by Brown. Some of their running between the wickets has not been too clever so far. Brown gets a thick inside edge off Hall and it’s another single. Scotland need a boundary or two here if they’re going to top 150.
43rd over: 124-6
There is a big green rectangle on the top right of your screen asking you a question - please have a vote. Langeveldt is back on and Blain clips him to square-leg for a couple. More nudging and nurdling from the Scottish pair, five from the over.
“Not for the first time, I am finding today’s attempt at commentary by Ben Dirs particularly incomprehensible. In today’s commentary of Scotland v South Africa, Dirs’ in-jokes and dating advices fender guitars
have got so extreme that the commentary is barely readable. Do the BBC feel that this really enhances the calling of the action?”
Honor Hargar in the TMS inbox
42nd over: 119-6
Kallis back on and he beats Blain with an off-cutter. Blain pushes Kallis into the covers for a couple before clipping to backward-square for a single. Three from the over.
“The SAWAG seen on the balcony won’t be Minki van der Westhuizen as she is no longer with Graeme Smith and is now unfortunately engaged to a South African businessman after dating him for only four months. I know the WAG of Jaques Kallis is apparently easy on the eye, so could well have been her on the balcony…”
Griffith in the TMS inbox
41st over: 116-6
Bit more noise now, some locals trickling in to join a decent Scottish contingent. Some more new technology has been foisted upon me - if you see something green and sticky-looking appear on the top right of your screen, it is a vote we’re trialling. It probably won’t work to be honest. Pollock gives Blain some chin music which Blain ducks underneath. Blain gets off the mark with a push into the covers.
40th over: 114-6
Chin music for Brown, the batsman pulling out of a hook shot. Brown picks up a single with a carve into the covers. Ntini’s got a bit of spite in him today - that’s what fatherhood does to you. If gets another to lift on Blain, but the batsman manages to play it down into the off-side.
39th over: WICKET - Smith b Pollock 15, Sco 113-6
High back-lift Smith, and Pollock makes him pay, squeezing one underneath his bat and making a mess of his stumps. News in that New Zealand are 208-3 against Kenya. Blain is the new batter and he survives the last two deliveries.
“One dreads to think what Ben Dirs’ nickname was at school!”
Rob in the TMS inbox
38th over: 112-5
Another dicey single from Brown - that was in De Villiers territory. Lots of people asking for links to Minki van der Westhuizen websites. My cricket editor doesn’t like that idea, apparently she gets hot very easily and doesn’t like wearing many clothes. Minki van der Westhuizen + Google=you do the math.
“Smith is quite innovative, I think Scotland can get to 180 and that would have been a pretty good effort because South Africa’s bowling has been tight and their fielding sensational.”
Former Australia fast bowler Damien Fleming on TMS
37th over: 109-5
Pollock back into the attack, but South Africa are going to struggle to bowl Scotland out here on this strip. Smith attempts a back-foot drive and gets a thick outside-edge for four. Smithy then charges the frustrated Pollock, but the bowler sees him coming and serves up a bumper, which the batsman is unable to hit.
“I’ll bet there’s no danger of Graeme Smith being out on a pedalo at 4am in the morning…”
Andy Keeler in the TMS inbox
36th over: 105-5
Brown unfurls a doozy of a drive that evades the diving De Villiers at cover. Two for it. Smith gets one with a nudge to backward point before Brown nicks the bowling with a clip to square-leg.
“Just let Rob Sims know Michael Vaughan’s number is actually 99. He’s obviously not very good with his numbers, typical salesman.”
Andrew Simpson in the TMS inbox
35th over: 101-5
Thought we might have seen Kemp by now, but Smith and South Africa are obviously only interested in him as a batsman in this World Cup. Scotland just yanking away for the first few balls, picking up singles, before Smith drags one down and Smith swings him away for four. That’s Scotland’s 100 and it’s been a gritty effort so far.
34th over: 94-5
Brown turns Kallis off his hip for one and there are three from the over.
“The SAWAGs are at the game? I wonder what Verinder would say if he knew his immediate family were spending their Tuesday in the South African dressing room…”
Mike Parkin in the TMS inbox
33rd over: 92-5
Nice shot by Brown, using his feet and clipping Smith to long-on for a single. Smith bends his front leg and drives for one to long-off and it’s time for the Pepsi cart. Kevin Stevens has emailed to inform me that the magnificent woman I’ve just seen lounging on the South Africa balcony is ‘Slinky’ Minki van der Westhuizen, the squeeze of South Africa skipper Smith. I’d like her to put me to bed, tuck me in and give me a little peck on the forehead. Gloria in Excelsis!
32nd over: 90-5
Kallis bamboozles Brown with a couple of slower balls. Brown gets one for a neat square-drive, before Smith, yet another World Cup law enforcer, is served up an off-cutter. Liquorice allsorts from big Jacques.
“If you can have SAWAGs and AWAGs, do the Indians have a Sehwag-WAG?!”
Chris Leonard in the TMS inbox
31st over: 88-5
Smith into the attack with his gentle off-breaks. Brown scoops one over his shoulder for a couple - wicket-keeper Smith is next man in, and he got a fifty against the Aussies.
30th over: WICKET - Watson run out (De Villiers) 31, Sco 84-5
I think I’ve just seen the most beautiful WAG in the world, one of the South Africans must be courting her, she’s hanging out on their balcony. The SAWAGs are right up there with the AWAGs in my opinion. Enough of that, Watson is out! Brown pushing into the covers, calling Watson through and the razor sharp De Villiers on target with the throw. That’s a killer blow for the Scots, and Kallis looks at Watson as if to say, “you’re a big man, but you’re out of shape. With me, this is a full-time job. Now behave yourself…”
29th over: 84-4
Ntini strays onto Brown’s hip and Scotland get a leg-bye, but otherwise it’s another tight one from Ntini.
“A report in the Guardian in 2006 claimed that there were more people playing cricket in Scotland than rugby union. RU has a high profile thanks to a friendly sports media, but cricket is Scotland’s second game.”
PH, Cambridge, in the TMS inbox
28th over: 82-4
Attempted bumper from Kallis and Watson rolls his wrists and gets one for it. Quick single into the covers for Brown before Watson tugs Kallis away for one. Bit of milking going on here by Scotland, let’s hope those South African udders are bulging.
“Michael Vaughan has ‘00′ as his number, funnily enough, so does Dick Dastardly!”
Rob Sims (sorting out sales targets) in the TMS inbox
27th over: 77-4
Ntini is back on and we’re getting a bit of reverse swing now. Sharp fielding by Pollock at third-man and there’s just one from the over. Scotland becalmed, we need some biffda from Watson and Brown to liven us all up.
“Charl Langeveldt is/was a prison warden, which, along with Sluggo Leverock and Canada’s Codrington, makes me wonder if the ICC have insisted on teams fielding members of the penal profession. Is Fulton Mackay playing for Scotland?”
Flat Jack, Lancashire, in the TMS inbox
“Best nickname ever - Mark Waugh, ‘Afghanistan’ - the forgotten Waugh.”
Sean Thoburn in the TMS inbox
26th over: 76-4
De Villiers pulls off a Jonty-esque full-length stop at backward point to limit Brown to a single. Watson gets a thick-edge down to third-man to move to 26. More heroics by De Villiers, this time in the covers.
25th over: WICKET - McCallum b Langeveldt 1, Sco 71-4
McCallum castled, Langeveldt sneaking one under his bat, and Scotland in a bit of strife now, 150 could be the revised target. Brown is off the mark immediately with a tuck off his legs for a couple. Bit of chin music for Brown, the ball exploding outside off-stump and getting the batsman hopping, a la Hugh Morris v West Indies circa 1991.
“Just how many pedalos are you harbouring? I’m wondering what you’d call a load of pedalos too - is it a flotilla of pedalos, or a fleet? Perhaps a puddle of pedalos?”
Ian, Little Skivving, in the TMS inbox
24th over: 71-3
Kallis is wheeled into the attack and Watson chops him away for a single. Kallis gets McCallum hopping with a rib-tickler and McCallum almost gets off the mark next ball, dropping the ball down to point but deciding against the run. McCallum, at last, is off the mark, carving a wide one into the covers for a single. Ave Maria.
23rd over: 69-3
McCallum still on the big fat goose egg after 15 balls. The Scottish fans still making a racket, they’re lapping this up. Maiden over from Langeveldt.
“Speaking of great sporting nicknames, what about Wigan Athletic’s giant centre-half Fitz Hall, affectionately known in football circles as one size…”
Daniel Owens in the TMS inbox
22nd over: 68-3
Watson gets a couple with a flick to leg and another one with a nudge to mid-on.
21st over: 64-3
Watson dabs down to point and scampers a quick one. Langeveldt has a touch of the Heston Blumenthals about him. Did anyone see that TV series he had recently? At one stage, he had a hoover out in the kitchen and was cooking with it. What a show off.
20th over: WICKET - Hamilton c De Villiers b Hall 4, Sco 63-3
Hamilton perishes, trying to flog Hall over extra-cover and picking out De Villiers. Scotland starting to come apart a bit here, that’s a big blow. McCallum is the new batsman. Hall almost cleans him up with a ball that pitches outside off and jags back. A whiff of a catch next-up, McCallum trying to jerk his bat out of the way and the ball seeminglly glancing off the face, only for Boucher to shell it.
“As someone who spent many a childhood summer pedalling around the Balearics, admittedly only having drunk Fanta Limon, I must congratulate Fred on his development of new training methods. He’ll have calves of granite in no time.”
Mark, St Helens, in the TMS inbox
19th over: 63-2
Peach of a shot by Watson, stepping out and carving Langeveldt to the point boundary. This Rhino character is one of the most savage batsmen I’ve ever seen, and I include Essex legend Don Topley in that.
18th over: 58-2
Hamilton edges and Smith has done himself a mischief taking the speeding ball on the bounce in the slips. Watson, perhaps aiming for neighbouring Nevis, comes piling down the pitch and misses with a wild and windy woosh. Watson then attempts to flay Lan over extra-cover and gets a thick outside edge once bounce to Pollock at third-man.
17th over: 57-2
Hamilton gets one for a glide to third-man before Rhino gives it some more tug, coming down the track and yanking Lan to deep mid-wicket for a couple. Watson lives up to his nickname, clipping to leg, storming down the pitch, getting sent back by Hamilton and retreating like a rhino in the face of a poacher’s rifle.
“If you’re not careful, you’ll have a mob storming the BBC to sort out all these pedalos you’re harbouring…”
Tommy, Huddersfield, in the TMS inbox
16th over: 54-2
Hamilton opens the face and gets one down to third-man. Dreamy cut from Watson for four, and Hall emits a primeval roar. He’s ruddy annoyed about that. Go the Rhino! Watson gives Hall the hammer, swatting him to the square-leg fence.
“I think Freddy was doing all those British holiday-makers a favour. There are very few pedalos at that particular resort and, in my opinion, it was a selfless act that made sure at least one wasn’t taken by other European guests before 6 am. He gets my vote in the New Year’s Honours list.”
Dave Ody in the TMS inbox
15th over: WICKET - Watts c Smith b Langeveldt 24, Sco 43-2
South Africa skipper Smith is looking like a genius with a his bowling changes, new man Langeveldt getting Watts to edge to Smith at slip. Left-hander Hamilton is the new batsman and he gets a shocker first-up from Langeveldt, the ball ballooning high above his head.
14th over: 43-1
Scotland are back in their shell again after a bit of biffda a couple of overs back…erm, Watson gets off the mark with a savage bit of batting, charging out of his crease and crashing Hall through mid-off for four. Nicknamed Rhino, Watson, and, mercifully, we now all know why.
“As a great Scotsman once said: ‘You can take our wickets, but you’ll never take our freedom!”
Ian Melding in the TMS inbox
13th over: 38-1
Watts fences and is beaten outside off-stump but gets a couple for a gentle push through point. Ropey bit of fielding from Gibbs, allowing the ball to run underneath his body. Still dreaming of his tap, tap, tapparo against the Dutch the other day. Watts gets one for a guide to third-man. Three from the over.
“Speaking of pedalos, too bad SA are without fast bowler Monde Zondeki, whom the British press nicknamed ‘All Hands’, as in ‘All Hands Zondeki’… that’s class!”
Dean Naidoo, Leeds, in the TMS inbox
“Mr Dirs. Rather than apologise for writing terrible analogies, why don’t you just stick to commentating on the action? And people say the updates on other sites are boring? At least we can read about what is happening in the game (and possibly avoid further jokes about pedalos).”
Simon, Redditch, in the TMS inbox
12th over: WICKET - Haq c Boucher b Hall 13, Sco 35-1
Ntini off and on comes Hall - and he’s made the breakthrough with his second delivery, Haq feeling at an away-swinger and Boucher snaffling a straightforward catch behind the timbers. Watson, Scotland’s skipper today, is next man in. He went to school with Proteas skipper Smith, as well as Boucher. Watson gets rapped on the pads, but umpire De Silva decides that was missing leg, and maybe going over the top.
“On this type of pitch, your aggressive shots only need to be an extension of your defensive shots.”
Former Australia fast bowler Damien Fleming on TMS
11th over: 34-0
Plenty of kilts in the crowd and it sounds like some of the Scottish fans have hit the sauce early. Untidy from South Africa, Haq clipping to mid-wicket and Scotland picking up one for an overthrow. Watts gets one for a guide to third-man and that’s three from the over.
10th over: Sco 31-0
Watts goes all lary, latching on to an Ntini short ball and swinging him over the mid-wicket boundary. That was like seeing a mouse-like museum curator burst from behind his desk and lay-out a couple of rowdy youths pawing a priceless vase. That was one of the worst analogies I’ve ever written. I can’t apologise enough.
9th over: Sco 24-0
Pollock is tighter than the Elephant Man’s hatband, but Haq does get him away, carving him through the covers for his first four. Haq really taking liberties now, pulling Pollock away for another boundary. Peche de la peche.
“Scotland may not set a record for number of runs scored, but I think we can set a record for the most pedalo jokes.”
Ricky Kane in the TMS inbox
8th over: 16-0
Ntini gets one to rise on Haq before the left-hander flicks him for one to mid-wicket. More Keystone Kops stuff from the batsmen - have they ever met each other? - Watts opening the face, Haq sending him back and Gibbs missing with the shie. Watts would have been out by a mile.
7th over: 15-0
Pollock really is a miser, just one from his over and Scotland going at a bit of a crawl here.
6th over: 14-0
Watts moves to 11 with an outside edge for four as Ntini continues to mine the corridor of uncertainty. When I say corridor of uncertainty, I don’t mean the hallway outside Freddie Flintoff’s hotel room after a few rum and Tizers, but the area just outside off-stump.
“Let’s hope Scotland make a game of it otherwise they could find themselves up Cricket Creak without a pedalo…”
Andy, Leeds, in the TMS inbox
5th over: 10-0
Watts feels for one outside the off-stump and is beaten before clipping Pollock to square-leg for one. Haq looks like a pretty lithe stroke-player, but Pollock, as ever, is proving decidely tough to get away.
“I’m hoping that the hotel the South Africans are staying in was offering a free bar and use of their pedalos last night - that’s the only chance we have of beating them!”
Monty, Luxembourg, in the TMS inbox
4th over: Sco 9-0
Crackerjack shot from Watts off Ntini, a square-drive for four. Warner Park, which has just had a $40m refit, looks pretty good. Shame there’s only about seven people in. Six from the over and it’s a solid start from the Scots.
“I’d love to see Scotland ‘do an Ireland’ in this game but the South Africans are so machine-like I can’t see them slipping up for a second.”
Michael Gale in the TMS inbox
3rd over: Sco 3-0
Haq opens the face and glides Pollock for one to third-man. I owe an apology to Kevin Shine - apparently he’s been fined in the ‘Fredalo Affair’ for simply not telling the England players to go home. Bit harsh. Watts gets one for a push into the off-side, two from the over.
2nd over: Sco 1-0
Haq gets Scotland’s first run, and it’s a risky one. He clips to mid-off and just beats the throw, but they had to go upstairs for the decision after a direct hit. The Scots in the crowd go wild. Ntini finding a good groove just outside Watts’ off-stump.
1st over: Sco 0-0
Watts defends his first ball from Pollock and, as usual for Pollock, it’s bang on the money. Five more Johnny-on-the-spot deliveries from the nagging Pollock and it’s a maiden to start.
“There were a few bets flying around the hotel as to whether Scotland can make 150. They might get 200 on what looks like a decent batting pitch.”
Jim Maxwell on TMS
1328 GMT: Here come the Scotland openers and Pollock marks out his run. Pollock, like a few of these South Africans, would have known Bob Woolmer well of course.
1326 GMT: Apparently there’s about 50 people over in St Lucia for New Zealand v Kenya. That’s a biggy for England though - a win for Kenya could put the cat among the pigeons, as Matt and Luke Goss once purred. It’s looking hot, hot, hot in St Kitts as players line up for a minute’s silence in memory of Pakistan coach Bob Woolmer, who died on Sunday.
1320 GMT: More news on England fines - bowling coach Kevin Shine and spinner-cum-psychologist Jeremy Snape have been asked to donate some cash to charity for their part in the ‘Fredalo Affair’. Mucking up England’s bowling attack is one thing, getting them rubbered on dark and stormys until the wee hours is almost is unforgivable.
Scotland: D F Watts, R M Haq, R R Watson (Capt), G M Hamilton, N F I McCallum, D R Brown, C J O Smith (Wkt), G A Rogers, J A R Blain, J D Nel, P J C Hoffmann.
South Africa: G C Smith (Capt), A B de Villiers, J H Kallis, H H Gibbs, A G Prince, J M Kemp, M V Boucher (Wkt), S M Pollock, A J Hall, C K Langeveldt, M Ntini.
1315 GMT: Ntini, who missed South Africa’s first match to be at the birth of his child, is in for Andre Nel, while Dewald Nel is in for missing Scotland skipper Wright. Ryan Watson is Scotland’s stand-in skipper, while Neil McCallum has been selected in place of Navdeep Poonia.
1310 GMT: It was bound to happen at some point, like when I did apple picking for a couple of months and started dreaming about apples, but I had a nightmare about the World Cup last night. On my mother’s life, I dreamt I was in the Caribbean and just before the Australia v South Africa match, I saw a load of Aussie players grab South Africa all-rounder Shaun Pollock, do unspeakable things to him and throw his body onto some weird conveyor belt thing. And as he disappered down the belt, his head fell off into a box. The really sad things is, in my dream I thought, ‘I won’t tell anyone about it, I want to break this news in my clockwatch.’ Dating free idea.
1305 GMT: Hello everyone. The news is that South Africa skipper Graeme Smith has won the toss and put Scotland into bat in St Kitts. Scotland skipper Craig Wright will not play - he has returned home after a family bereavement.
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