Dating experts great idea top news.

These problem programs can arrive via e-mail, instant messenger, through your internet connection or even your web browser if you visit the wrong website. The threats are so numerous and appear so fast that Windows users must feel under siege.

While there is no doubt that attacks on PC users are getting more sophisticated, it is possible to avoid the vast majority of problems by taking some straight-forward steps and exercising some common sense.

If you are worried about your computer it is possible to scan it via the web to see if it is infected. Companies such as Trend Micro, Kaspersky and Microsoft all offer free scanning services.

Organisations such as the Computer Emergency Response Team (Cert) also offer advice on how to set up a safe net connection.

The first piece of security software every PC user needs is some anti-virus software. It must also be regularly updated to ensure it protects you against the latest threats.

One of the ways that virus writers try to catch out anti-virus software is by pumping out enormous numbers of variations of their malicious creations. Good anti-virus programs use heuristic techniques to spot viruses that have not been formally identified but have all the characteristics.

STAYING SAFE ONLINE Use love and dating tip and anti-virus programs On at least a weekly basis update anti-virus and spyware products Install a firewall and make sure it is switched on Make sure updates to your operating system are installed Take time to educate yourself and family about the risks Monitor your computer and stay alert to threats Hi-tech crime: A glossary

Many PCs now come with anti-virus installed and though an annual subscription can seem expensive, it might be cheap when you consider how much it could save you if it stops your bank details being stolen.

As well as retail versions of anti-virus there are now some free programs that do a good job of protecting you. Avira, Avast and AVG all produce free anti-virus software.

Microsoft now sells a package of security programs but, so far, they are only available to US users.

A firewall is also an essential piece of security software for PC users. Newer versions of Windows XP have a firewall built in and this will give you protection against nuisance attacks and many of the more serious ones.

HI-TECH CRIME PLANS The BBC News website is running a series of features throughout the week Tuesday: What did we catch in our honeypot? Wednesday: Anatomy of a spam e-mail and hackers face to face Thursday: How to spot a phishing scam

However some people feel that the Windows XP firewall is a bit limited in its features. Many anti-virus programs have a firewall bundled with them.

There are free firewalls available too from firms such as Comodo and Zone Alarm.

To block some of the attacks it can also be useful to connect to the net via a hub or router. Often these have a firewall built in and, even if not, will do a good job of blocking a lot of the low level attacks.

Increasingly simply browsing the web can subject you to all kinds of dangers. Specially crafted websites can initiate so-called “drive-by downloads” that exploit weaknesses in Microsoft’s Internet Explorer browser to install programs you never asked for.

Google has started warning people if they hit an unsafe site

At best these will annoy you with pop-up ads, at worst they will let someone else take control of your PC. Anti-spyware software will help stop these taking hold and help you clean up your PC if you do get hit.

There are add-ons for browsers, such as McAfee’s Site Advisor that warn you about dating interracial tip harmful sites. Also Google has now started warning when you are about to visit a potentially unsafe site. Search sites such as Scandoo will also flag sites loaded with malware.

These days adware tends to be very cons dating advices online pro
and it is far better to avoid an infection than try to clean up afterwards.

Security experts recommend migrating away from Internet Explorer to a browser such as Firefox or Opera. At the very least they say to keep Microsoft’s browser up to date with patches.

Anti-spyware activists Suzi Turner and Eric Howes run a website that lists the bogus security products to help you avoid falling victim. Microsoft makes free anti-spyware but there are many other products from firms such as Lavasoft and Spybot.

With Windows it is also important to keep your system up to date. Windows XP now regularly nags people about upgrades and Microsoft produces security patches on a monthly basis.

Phishing gangs try to steal online dating tip for man details

Microsoft recommends automatic updating so patches are downloaded and applied as soon as they become available. As the time between the announcement of a vulnerability and it being exploited is shrinking, it pays to act quickly.

The other things you can do to stay safe fall into the realm of common sense. To begin with never open an attachment on an e-mail you were not expecting - even if it appears to come from someone you know.

Never reply to spam e-mail messages as that just confirms your address is live and makes it more valuable. Be wary of any e-mailed message about online financial accounts you own. Learn to spot the signs of phishing e-mails.

Apple users who feel confident that they are invulnerable to attacks should also take steps to protect themselves.

While virus attacks are virtually unheard of, the platform can be subject to malware and adware.

The firewall on an Apple computer should be switched on and common sense regarding potential phishing attacks should be applied.

I was one of those kids at school who tried every sport.

I had a go at everything. I tried swimming, archery, basketball and tennis.

Eventually I found athletics, and I’ve never looked back.

I think there are even more opportunities these days for kids who want to take up sport.

There are more sports clubs around and more coaching courses for people who want to coach disabled athletes.

I would say the most important thing for a young athlete starting out is to find a coach they like and get on with.

It has to be someone you can work with week in, week out, and someone you can completely trust.

For more information contact: British Wheelchair Sports Foundation, Sports and Events Development Manager, Guttman Road, Stoke Mandeville, Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire, HP21 9PP Tel: 01296 395995 wheelpower@dial.pipex.com

Who was your inspiration as a young athlete?

When I was growing up, sport for disabled people didn’t get that much coverage on television.

But one of my first memories was watching fellow Welsh athlete Chris Hallam in the London Marathon.

I remember saying to my mum that I was going to do the London Marathon one day.

It was my dream to be there on the starting line with everyone else.

And if you’ve got that kind of dream it gives you something to aim for.

It’s important to have something you can focus on or have a plan to work towards.

If you put the hard work in, you have a chance of fulfilling your dream.

If you put the hard work in, you have a chance of fulfilling your dream

You train 50 weeks a year, how on earth do you stay motivated?

My biggest motivation is the fact that I dating romantic tip want to beat my husband, who is also an athlete.

I haven’t really got close to him yet though - and that makes me train even harder!

Focusing on him means I’m not getting script dating advices web site
with any of my female rivals.

It keeps me motivated, especially through the winter when we’re not competing for three months and the weather is cold and rainy.

It’s a difficult time to stay motivated so having my husband there with me makes it a lot easier.

I’m also a very selfish person, in that I want to be the best I can.

I like pushing myself to the limit.

I’m very strong-minded and if I decide I want to do something, then I’ll go for it.

As an athlete, it’s important to have that sort of determination, but you also need to be fairly level-headed.

You need to be able to deal with all the ups and downs.

Do you have to watch what you eat?

If you want to train well and hard, then you have to eat the right food

Even though I’m a hopeless cook, I still try and look after my diet.

If you want to train well and hard, then you have to eat the right food.

That’s not to say I don’t have times when I eat junk food, chips and a few other things that aren’t good for me.

But I do try to eat well most of the week.

I tend to eat a lot of carbohydrates - rice, pasta, potatoes and a lot of steamed vegetables.

I’m not a very good cook so I tend to stick with pasta and sauces.

My favourite is pasta with a tomato sauce, and bacon and onions mixed in.

You need to eat within half an hour of a training session and I can usually cook that and wolf it down in 15 minutes.

It’s good for you and it’s tasty - what more could you want.

Grey Thompson struck gold in four different events in Sydney

You swept the board on the track at the Sydney Olympics. How do you manage to cover such a variety of events - and be the best at them all?

Wheelchair athletes are very lucky.

Because we’re not using any online dating tip for man muscles we can cover a whole range of distances - just like cyclists.

The training I do that enables me to be a good sprinter actually enables me to be good at a marathon too.

It’s great because if you’re having a complete nightmare in one event, you can do something else!

I train 50 weeks of the year and that keeps me prepared for whatever distance I want to race through the season.

Out of all the distances I race, I think I probably prefer the 400m.

I’ve never been the best starter in the world and however hard I work on my starts, they never really seem to improve that much.

That’s why the 100m is always a bit of a dodgy distance for me.

The 400m is nice because the start is not quite so crucial and you’ve got time to get going.

On the road I like the 10k because it’s long enough to stretch you but not too long that you’re absolutely exhausted at the end.

Remember to always wear a helmet and bright clothing when you’re out training, because racing chairs are very low to the ground and you need to make sure you can be seen

How does a racing chair differ from a day chair?

I only have one racing chair which I train and compete in.

That usually lasts me a whole season before I need to change it.

My racing chair has three wheels and is about 6ft long.

The chair I normally sit in is more like an armchair. I could sit in it all day.

I can probably only be in my racing chair for two and a half hours before I start feeling advice dating tip.

That’s why, when you’re competing at a high level, it’s important you have equipment that fits you.

My chair is custom built around my shape and I can only fit in it if I’m wearing one layer of lycra.

At least that ensures I don’t put any weight on!

When you’re new to the sport it’s probably best to borrow a chair for a little while or buy a second-hand one to start off with.

New equipment is expensive and that’s a good way of finding out if you like the sport and want to stick with it.

Before even thinking about racing though, the most important thing is to get fit first.

You need to have stamina to push a chair and it’s so much more difficult if you’re not fit.

What have been the high points of your career and have there been any low points?

Taking part in the Sydney Olympics has got to be the high point of my career.

The biggest crowd I competed in front of was 112,000 and it was an amazing atmosphere.

With hundreds of thousands of people in the crowd you wouldn’t think you’d be able to see faces, but I could actually pick out the faces of people I know.

I’ve had quite a few low points because that is the nature of being an athlete - you can’t compete well all of the time.

I’m most disappointed when I’ve gone to races and haven’t been as prepared as I should have been.

Sometimes you don’t compete well and there’s nothing you can do.

You can’t always win, but that’s ok if you feel you did everything you could.

It’s about being truthful with yourself.

I always keep a training diary

Do you have any training tips for athletes just starting out in sport?

Just be active. Go out and do some kind of physical activity four or five times a week.

I do a lot of other sports through the winter.

I play tennis and basketball and it helps me stay fit for racing.

It’s very important that you get a good technique early on in whatever sport you do.

It’s also important to spend the right amount of time warming up and stretching.

For wheelchair racing you’ve got to have incredibly flexible shoulders, so I do a lot of work on my shoulders as well as my elbows and hands.

Remember in sport you can’t just train two or three weeks before an event and hope to compete well.

It’s something that you have to do a little and often, especially if you’re new in sport.

Train a couple of times a week and think a long time in advance.

To mark the first anniversary of the LBQ, you were invited to enter an extra contest to write a story using as many of the answers from the past year in no more than 150 words. Extra points were awarded for being convincing and dating advices chat line
references to current events.

FRIDAY

Friday’s answer is “A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SCIENCE”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

An astrophysicist’s coping mechanism?
Mark Starling, London

If all the brainpower devoted to generating wrong answers for the LBQ was spent on useful science like the near-sightedness of dogs, how much additional science could be accomplished each Friday?
KT, Pretoria

Andrew Culley, from Grantham: as far as Flux Capacitors are concerned, you seem to be saying that when they work theyre brilliant, but I am going to put it to you that your observation lacks what?
Gerald Moynihan, London

Rik Waller BSc MSc
Charlotte, London, UK

How does Peter Mandelson keep bouncing back - is it black magic or …..
Dave Williams, Prudhoe, UK

A not so brief history of time?
Christopher Thorpe, London

What do tabloids omit in technological stories?
Edward, Bath

I have found that giving retractable pencils and set squares to small children merely results in damage to wallpaper and trips to the hospital. What does creating designer babies actually require?
William Bailey, Halifax

What’s the difference between an Honorary Doctorate and a Nobel Prize?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

What does it take to dunk the algorithmically perfect biscuit?
Phil B-C, Maidenhead

If ignorance is bliss, what is misery?
(Of course, a real scientist would point out that this is flawed logic, but there you go.)
Brian Ritchie, Oxford

Staying “naturally beautiful and slim” takes what?
Jac, Caerphilly

The report into the intelligence gathering prior to the Iraq war show that the infamous dossier contained a lot of assumption and spin as opposed to what?
James Rigby, Wickford, Essex

Science Fiction minus Fiction equals?
Phil, Bristol

SCIENC ?
John Underwood, Edinburgh

Largin’ IT?
John C, Oldham

What, in simplistic terms, is the space / time continuum?
Rob Holman, Chislehurst, Kent, England

So apart from beards, bad fashion sense, and outdated hairstyles, what have scientists really done for us?
Suz, Grenoble

The difference between first world and third world?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

Boris Becker’s haircut?
Oliver Hughes, London

What did it take to engineer and manufacture the LBQ keyring?
Sarah Findlay, Cape Town

There’s antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium…
(and I could go on but the judges will tell me off)
Becky, London

Four and twenty blackboards chalked with pi?
Candace, New Jersey, US

A hard lesson to swallow?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

What is needed to win an encyclopedia of baseball?
ChrisB, Bromley

The one thing we know for sure that black holes contain?
Edward Green, London

What do you give an airhead who’s got everything?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

What do Etonians call double physics followed by double chemistry followed by double biology ?
Daniel Ward, Eastbourne, UK

How an BA student perceives a BSc Degree?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

All wrong. The correct question was how did the makers of a proposed TV programme defend their show which is going to set one man’s sperm against another’s in a race for fertilisation.

THURSDAY

Thursday’s answer is “I AM LOOKING LIKE AN AIRHEAD”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

If space hoppers could talk?
Lisa M, Southampton

Bad translation of ‘that bubbly must have gone straight to my head’?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Head Zeppelin?
Rob Holman, Chislehurst, Kent, England

What does a girl with a windfarm on her head say
Jayne Suttle, Swanage

Why am I speaking in speech bubbles
DC, Lostwithiel

About time - I’ve been waiting all week for the caption competition
Sion, Fleet, UK

Who is Bill Payer?
PJ, S

What’s another way of saying, “I still support the war but, knowing what I know now, would vote against it”?
Norman Dawes, Bury St Edmunds, UK

Martha’s worst fear?
Candace, New Jersey, US

One downside of being in charge at Swanwick?

Brian Ritchie, Oxford

When there is light at the end of the tunnel (that goes from one aural canal to the other)?
ChrisB, Bromley

Last year my older brother told me of a band from the sixties called “Tractor”. He said that they were bigger than the Beatles and more shocking than the Sex Pistols, but, strangely he had none of their records. I asked him why? He said that he had sold them all years ago and that he was no longer a fan of theirs…that they had sold out, big time. Until quite recently I have been telling my mates at school that my brother was an “Ex-tractor Fan” as they all giggled. From where I’m standing I look like what? Yes…
Gerald Moynihan, London
(The LBQ editor thought he made himself clear about this line of questioning.)

Seventy-two submissions to the LBQ, and not one published. Wait a minute, what’s that ‘Send’ button for?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

The pneu black?
Edward, Bath

Lucy in the sky with cubic zirconias?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

What’s an airhead?
Jayne Burton, Sevenoaks

Bibendum?
Lynn, England

New breed of superteacher fuelled by a 78 /21 Nitrogen, Oxygen mix?
Lee Stubbington, Tonbridge, Kent

( ?
Nik, Cambridge

Is East Anglia in Spain?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

And the bottom line of the eye-chart Mr President? (snigger).
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

Well I’ve heard about being puffy under the eyes, but this is ridiculous.
Helena, Northampton

Why can’t I find what I am looking for?
Kaylie , Runcorn

How I hide my plans for world domination?
Sarah, Oxford

Typical. I make one comment about women not cleaning behind the fridge enough, and what’s the result?
Edward Green, London

I am female, I am blonde. To the latest garage mechanic to try to rip me off, this means what?
Catherine O, Maidenhead

What statement follows asking who Bill Payer is?
Marie Carver, Woodford, Essex, UK

What did the airhead forget to say?
Mike Scott, Great Yarmouth

All wrong. The correct question was why does Imelda Marcos oppose a new film about her spending habits.

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday’s answer is “FRIENDLY BUT POWERFUL”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Kalashnicough please…
Evan, UK/Dubai

Sharon Watts?
Chris Spencer, Wimbledon

What is a half-correct description of Canada?
Meagan Crump, Toronto

Lime Cordial?
Neal Berridge, Nottingham

Why are the Red Arrows so popular?
Dave Godfrey, Swindon

The King of Hearts?
Matt Price, Dating advices love sea

When you send your kids to weighlifting camp in the US, they come back aloof, powerful, and with an Austrian accent. When you send your kids to the same type of camp in Britain, they come back…?
Ainy, Baltimore, US

Vlad the Home Improver?
Paul, Leeds

David Banner’s personal ad?
Candace, New Jersey, US

Atomic Kitten?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Tidal wave?
Chris Watsom, Bristol

Pol Pet?
David Butcher, Kirkham

(I apologise in advance for the sugaryness of this question) - A smile?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

An Intercontinental Holistic Missile?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

The Daleks on a bank holiday?

KMR, Cardiff

A Pedigree Chum?
Chris Stocks, Chesham, Bucks

Fortunately for you all, the voices in my head?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

The Incredibly Nice Hulk?
Sarah Findlay, Cape Town

First impressions from seeing Candace showing off her (well deserved) LBQ keyring?
David, UK

Bruce Forsyth’s Generator Game?
Nick Nevin, London, UK

How should a good deli smell?
Rupert K, London

A sheep in wolf’s clothing?
Dave Godfrey, Swindon

The Goodfather?
Chris Ford, Bristol, UK thelbq.co.uk

A nuclear family ?
John Redmond, Godalming

Blond bombshell?
Chris Brayley, Bromley

How would you best describe hand-reared garlic?
Trevor, Bloomsbury

The Charge of the Polite Brigade?
Kip, Norwich

Suggest two qualities that might be equally advantageous in a god or a dog?
Ben Moxon, Guildford

Nice Admiral?
John, London

The nicest way to describe my, ahem, handshake.
Rachael, UK

Brothers With Arms?
Andrew Magowan, London

Joules Holland?
Nigel, Winchester

Elephants on dope ?
Phil, Nimes

Friends in high places?
Becky, London

Fluffy the vampire slayer?
Sarah, Oxford

Ming the mirthful?
Stu, Yateley

Cabbie John Sheen’s opinion of his client yesterday?
Marie Carver, Woodford, Essex, UK

New slogan for Toilet Duck?
Will, London, UK

Rover 75 is…
Ross Billington, Derby

A wolf in sheep’s clothing?
Kiltie, Staffs, UK

What do you call a labrador with a machine gun?
Phil Colvin, Bristol

Firm friends?
Becky, London

Jennifer Aniston
Courtney Cox
Lisa Kudrow
Matt Le Blanc
Matthew Perry
David Schwimmer
Discuss.
Tim G, London, UK

How would you describe an MP near to elections?
Pauline Fearn, Herne Bay

All wrong. The correct question was how do people see the BBC, according to a study conducted for a government review.

TUESDAY

Tuesday’s answer is “WHEN THEY WORK, THEY’RE BRILLIANT”

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Striking colours?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Perpetual motion devices?
John C, Oldham

When writing a reference, how can you appear positive whilst conveying that the prospective employer should avoid the applicant like the plague?
Kaylie

The Charm of the Light Brigade?
Chris Stocks, Chesham, Bucks

It seems almost foolishly dangerous to fly nine Hawk jets in close formation at 400mph, but…
Rob Egginton, Bristol

Hold up stockings, strapless bras?
Olwen , Mobberley Cheshire

Racing tips?
David Dee, Maputo Mozambique

69-year-old employees?
Lucy, Oxford

What was Snow White’s pitch to the gangmaster?
Jonny Billericay, Norfolk

Computers are so FRUSTRATING! Why have they become so popular?
Stella, Edinburgh

There are lies, dammned lies and statistics. But, the thing about statistics are what?
ChrisB, Bromley

What do you think of the condoms being given to the athletes at the Olympics?
Brenda, Lancaster

Hops, yeast, sugar, malt, water?
Christopher Brayley, Bromley

“Resting” actors?
Simon Vannerley, Tiverton, UK

Lottery tickets. Discuss.
Robert Henson, Petts Wood, Kent

What do you reckon to those sketches from The Fast Show with that guy who says everything’s brilliant?
Sam Holloway, Cambridge

So what do you make of all those novelties then?
Helena, Northampton

Exaggerations…?
Kalika, Oxford

What about Public Inquiries, Private Inquiries, House of Commons Committees, Collective Responsibility, Ministerial Responsibility, an informed Cabinet, Democracy, Parliament, MPs, Intelligence, Caveats, 101 christian dating advices
, Integrity (sorry got carried away there!)
John Redmond, Godalming

Before “I love it when a plan comes together” what did Hannibal think of the A-Team’s first, tentative, heroic efforts?
Geoff Spick, Bournemouth

Flux capacitors?
Andrew Culley, Grantham

Smell chequers?
Andy Parker, Groesfaen, Cymru

So Mr Blair, what do you think of the intelligence community?
Stephen Costigan, Merthyr Tydfil

My LBQ submissions never get published but…
Susan Nash, Bristol

What do the ACME Rocket Sled, ACME 10 miles of Railroad and ACME Giant Magnet have in common?
John C, Oldham

What have you heard about my co-workers?
Paul, Nottingham

Why do they call them diamond geezers?
John S, Maidstone

What are plans to catch the pigeon?

David, UK

Holiday reps?
Jayne Burton, Sevenoaks

So David, how are the penalties coming along?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

What are home security lights - aka cat detectors?

David, UK

Ideas for cooling the Tube. Discuss.
O.G.Nash, Doha, Qatar

“Are the patrol car lights working, PC Jones?”
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no,”
“And what do you think of them?”
Ben Moxon, Guildford

What are teenagers doing summer holiday jobs?
John Rogers, London

Why should you always show your working?
Edward Green, London

What are planes, trains, and automobiles?
Candace, New Jersey, US

What do you think of my new light bulb?
Patrick Rushton, Sheffield

All wrong. The correct question was how did Sir Trevor Macdonald describe his signature “and finally…” items.

MONDAY

Monday’s answer is “ONLY AS NOVELTIES”

Entries have now closed. Wrong questions included:

Alligators in bathtubs?
Candace, New Jersey, US

How to enjoy crackers?
Martin, Harlow

Can you name one argument for keeping the House of Lords?
Luke A, York

Why did God create kangaroos?
Kip, Norwich

I don’t live in Florida, so my meat hooks are?
Robin, Herts

Why do men have nipples?
Dave Williams, Prudhoe, UK

In what capacity did the Muffins, the Waves, the News, the Bunnymen, the Attractions and the Bad Seeds exist in relation to Martha, Catrina, Huey, Echo, Elvis and Nick?
Gerald Moynihan, London

Should the taxpayer subsidise the Royal Family?
Angie, UK

Shared belly-button jewellery? No, wait…
O. G. Nash, Doha, Qatar

(True Story) What reason does anyone have to buy/eat/produce “dried salmon jerky” from Vancouver?
Tim G, London, UK

Can men wear stockings?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle

I’ve come up with the idea of printing books on to fabric, and wearing them round my collar. Do you think these will sell?
Simon, Birmingham, UK

Manners, airs and graces in Big Brother camp?
Tim McMahon, Pennar, Wales

Can the weddings of Liza Minnelli only be seen as novel ties?
Norm Brown, Branxton

Manicures in prison?
Will, London, UK

Use of ASBOS on my estate?
Vicky, York, UK

But you voted for Labour, didn’t you?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

Curiosity killed the tat ?
Jason S, Southampton, UK

When it comes to dating toyboys, what is the most important rule us girls need to remember? Treat them……..
Kiltie, Staffs, UK

To avoid disappointment, how should you view English sporting successes?
C Falconer, London

Use for honorary degrees?
David, UK

What is the purpose of the British Athletics Team going to Athens?
Sam J, London

Are my LBQ answers ever considered for publishing?
Andy Brown, Cambridge

How should unheralded Americans be allowed to win golf’s greatest prize?
Simon, Bolton

I’m a PG Tipster myself, so why do I stock my kitchen with African Redbush Peach, Classic India Spice and Flowery Oolong?
Helene Parry, South Wales expat to Twickenham

How do my children view the duster, the hoover and the lawnmower?
Smudge, MK

What use are Toy Boys?
John Redmond, Godalming

Would Harrods put genuine diamond necklaces in Christmas crackers?
Phil Welch, London

So, can we put gondolas in the Tube?
Kat, Derby, UK

Jellied heels?
Mark Starling, London

“That’s right, Brian, as we wait for Euro2004 to get under way, there’s no doubt that the Greek team has come to this competition….
Hedley Russell, Morecambe

With the success of the Twenty20, is it worth keeping playing the County Championship and National League?
Steve Sutton, St. Albans

How d’you like them apples?
Charles Frean, Bedford, Dating advices service sls

Why did I wear my high heels at Glastonbury?
Janet B, Nottingham

Getting a number-1 song at Christmas?
David, UK

How do drunk college students use meat hooks, considering us natives only use them for fish??
Maureen, Florida, US

Why does the MI5 REALLY want spies like us?
Ainy, Baltimore, US

What umbrellas are for in Phoenix, AZ?
Francis, Phoenix, AZ, US

Any reason to live in Swindon?
Kirsty F-C, Swindon

So many, so wrong. The correct question is by labelling their goods as what do shopkeepers in Texas get round that state’s obscenity laws forbidding the sale of marital aids.